I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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