do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
