she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
