he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
