we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
