He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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