why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
