I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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