I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm both gender and math confused
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
