I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
