Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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