Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
