I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
