I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
