can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
