I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
