I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Randomize
