Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
