When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
