obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
