Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
