does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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