spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
