How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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