She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
