i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
