my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
