I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
His nipple licking is glorious
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