in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
