Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
