Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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