u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
