Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
