I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
