Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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