sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
