now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
