He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
