i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
