I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
