I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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