OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
