.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
