Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
