All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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