You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
