I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
