I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
