I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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