my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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