Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
