i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
