I think I died a long time ago.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
