she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
