Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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